Very first post

Hi,
My name is...just kiddin, not gonna tell you guys, I really want this to be anonymous...I need some ME space without everyone knowing who ME is, if that makes sense eheh

I was going to start my very first post with a proper introduction, but words keep fulling up my head I think I'm going to explode, like a dictionary with a time bomb. I need to put those words somewhere, that's it.

Today I was supposed to study law because tomorrow there's an important exam but, as always, my beloved dad messed up everything. Not something like "he didn't buy me an iPad", more something like "he spent the night playing poker even if we've lost our house". I can't stand this anymore...it came to a point when this feels like kinda normal for me, but I know that THAT'S FAR FROM NORMAL. The thing that bothers me more and makes me feel like a monster is that I'm worried more about my exam than about my family situation...as far as I can remember, it wasn't like this when I was a kid: I had a great relationship with my dad, I loved him so much, we used to watch Indiana Jones and , even tho he always felt asleep, it was the best time ever. Now it's a he messes up/I don't talk with him for a good week/he doesn't mess up for a month/he messes up again over and over and over. I'm over it. I'm tired. Mum's tired. My brother and sister don't know what's a real family is like, they were too young to remember.
I wish I could go outside, in the dark and the rain, without anyone notice, and run. Run 'till I can't breathe. Run 'till I can't feel my legs. Run 'till I'm soaking wet and I'm so far away that I can't remeber the way to this house. Yep, "house" because it doesn't feel like "home" anymore.

Oh, how I wish my first post was something cheerful and happy and full of bright colors...but I really can't hold those words anymore and the idea of someone reading this, someone that I've never met, makes me feel kind of good.

That's it for today, feel free to comment something down below, I would love to read it 😊

Bye, Fighters ♡